Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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