Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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