i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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