he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
