Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
