i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
