I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
