"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
