i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
