Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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