You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude. I can hear the air.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
