WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
