he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
