I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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