Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
