Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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