I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
