We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
