can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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