I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Farmville is her only friend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
