This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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