now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
