So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
