I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
