You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
