He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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