3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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