the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
