im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
