When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
