It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
