your thong is hanging out like whoa
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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