Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
