New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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