Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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