I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
