I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
