The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
