yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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