Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
