Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize