I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What a dumb baby whore.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
