Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
