There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
