Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
