last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
