remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
