It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
