I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The ass gains better be worth it
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