She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
