My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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