Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she told me i tasted like america
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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