Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
