I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
