Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
