Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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