direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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