he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize