She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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