i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
