You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
