Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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